The Ever-Growing Acronym - A Rant

Intersex is now part of the ever-growing acronym? Really? I think I've mentioned my distaste about such things before. So now it seems that we have become LGBTQQIAA. WTF? Can we at least get a few more vowels so it's an actual word?

It seems to me that, in the time I grew up as an adult gay person, our identity WAS about "sexual orientation". Then we changed our tack, because we needed people to understand that our "orientation" was about more than sex (for some of us anyway), and that it wasn't as simple as us having a "preference". I think we screwed ourselves in doing so. The activists in the 80s tried very hard to break free of the gender myth and show that there were no definitive lines about what it meant to "act like" a man, woman, boy, or girl. There was some truth and justice in that.

But look at what's happened. "Queer" and "questioning" were words grassroots organizations made up to make our "community" more "inclusive". OK. But let's look at what the "community" has been trying to accomplish. Mostly civil rights issues I'd say. Do all people deserve basic human freedom? Of course they do. Did we need straight allies to help us? Sure, but did we have to then tack that onto ourselves to, what, PROVE that we had straight support? What a bunch of crap.

It is my understanding that Asexual is sexless, having no desire or interest in sex, perhaps androgynous, whatever. I fail to see how this category became such a necessity to include as part of our "community."

Asexuality and "transgender" (another made up word, to my knowledge) are largely issues of biology, so where is their place among a small percentage of our population who only started decades ago to simply fight for the freedom to love the people we were choosing to love?

Transexuals in particular I have nothing against, but the desire to actually BE the opposite sex has to do with a personality disorder listed in the DSM IV and nothing at all to do with freedom of love and partnership.

What began as a cry against "boys wear blue and girls wear pink" has mushroomed into this clusterfuck of too many issues to belong to one "group" as it were. Where does it end?

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Someone complained about me not updating my blog. (Happy L.H.?) Thanks for the nudge.

To be honest, I have not been in good space so have not had the desire to update. I like to post when I'm positive, have insight, something to share. That is not where I am at today.

I am learning that some behavior patterns are so ingrained, some fractured core beliefs so deep-seated, that the work to undo them is a bit overwhelming. I keep trying, but, at times, as I'm sure is true for everyone, I do want to just give up. I want to just find some ultimate self-acceptance and stop trying to fix what I believe needs fixing. Can you relate?

I am not ungrateful nor unhappy with my life on the whole. I am sober, free, spiritually rich, relatively at peace with my circumstances. I have a tremendous amount of love in my life, fantastic friendship that I never knew was available to me. Yet still, the thing I want the most eludes me. Am I OK with that? I would have to say, "sure," but if that were really true, why would I have spent the past three weeks crying over a woman who was never a realistically potential partner to begin with? How is it that I come to believe the impossible is possible? Fantasy? Maybe. I didn't think so, but our denial systems are powerful. As always the whole thing was wrapped in so many layers of my "issues" it is hard to say what was real or true and what wasn't. Friendship? Seems like such an everyday word and inadequate to describe what we had. Love? For me, I still don't know if it was for her. The word itself has far too many meanings, and only I can know what mine is.

In the big picture, this circumstance is fairly inconsequential. You know how it is, feels so big when you're in the middle of it. I am certain that I'll move on in time, and return to me, and return to my higher power, the universal flow, the only real love there is. My life is still a wonderous, miraculous, and beautiful thing, it has just been shadowed with gray days lately. So I share it with you, because if I am to share I must do so honestly.

Will you hold my hand under the sheltering sky and wait for the black to pass?